My Life Before Christ

In 6th grade, I became addicted to pornography after accidentally seeing a video. From then on, every night or any free moment I had, I would go back and watch it. Later, when I discovered anime, I was drawn to the way the female characters acted — the inappropriate gestures, the revealing outfits, and the sexualized scenes — and this opened a new door for lust. That’s when I started watching anime porn (2D). Things got worse and worse.

Every time I tried to stop on my own, it never worked. I would go straight back. Even just seeing an ad on Google or YouTube would trigger me to return to the websites.

In 7th grade, I lived a lustful life in my thoughts. I would sit and daydream about sexual content any time I wasn’t using my phone. Then I discovered a new door — pornographic anime in manga. I also started reading Korean comics (manhwa) and Chinese comics (manhua). At first, it seemed innocent — I liked the action or romance genres — but soon I found myself reading sexual content in all of them.

One anime, Yuri on Ice, caused me to develop a new lust for same-sex content. I started watching male-on-male anime and reading homosexual comics and fanfictions. I was raised in a Christian household, but nobody knew what I was dealing with. I hid it deeply. Even in church, I would daydream lustfully. I was so addicted that it controlled my thoughts during the day and right before bed.

Eventually, I started watching homosexual pornography as well. In 8th grade, I found a website filled with all kinds of pornographic comics. I was on it every day, every free moment — during class, at home, even right after church.

Hidden Life and Rejection

Despite having friends, I was never my true self around them. I was bullied in 7th grade — not physically, but emotionally. People laughed at me and talked behind my back. I was insecure and always wanted to be like the popular kids but failed every time.

My basketball coach made me feel worse. When other students gossiped about me, she joined in. I had no one I trusted. I was closed off and extremely jealous. I didn’t talk to anyone about how I felt. I remember feeling pain in my heart when my friend would share fun things she did, get a boyfriend, or hang out with others. I was jealous and controlling without realizing it.

Falling into Idolatry and Lust

In 8th grade, I got into K-pop — specifically BTS. I had a friend who was obsessed with the members, and I pretended to be too. When in truth I just liked their music, but the more I acted like I was obsessed with the members, the more I started to believe it.

We would sexualize the members, talking about their private parts and fantasizing about them. I would read fanfictions and watch videos that portrayed them in homosexual and sexual situations. Most of my free time after school was spent reading or watching this kind of content.

I even made an Instagram account just to post sexual anime images. I didn’t realize I was leading others astray. I was still socially awkward and deeply jealous when my friends made other friends. I never really talked about it — it was just something I felt strongly in my heart.

Writing Sin, Consumed by Lust

In 9th grade, I discovered Webnovel. I had never read a full novel before, only fanfiction. But I tried one non-sexual story and liked it. Eventually, I started reading sexual novels. They were more creative than fanfictions and had better plots behind the lust. I got addicted and started looking for more.

I especially liked Chinese novels. As I kept reading, I came across scheming characters — like the "white lotus" girl who acted innocent but caused destruction and stole other people’s partners. I was entertained by these characters and began searching for more novels featuring them.

At some point, just reading wasn’t enough. I started writing my own sexual content. I published a novel about a homosexual man with a white lotus personality whose job was to steal husbands and act out lustful fantasies. It became popular from the very first chapter. I was writing from my imagination and leading others astray more than ever.

During this time, I opened a TikTok account and posted anime content. It blew up — I gained over 100K followers. But even with all that success, I wasn’t satisfied. I constantly compared myself to other creators and felt like I wasn’t good enough.

One day, while scrolling TikTok, I came across a sermon. It struck my heart. I believe it was Billy Graham. Something in me knew I needed to repent. I deleted my TikTok and Instagram and told God I wanted to change. I started reading the Bible from Genesis and stopped listening to secular music.

But I wasn’t fully relying on God. I still believed my actions would save me. I didn’t fast or pray seriously. I believed it was impossible to overcome lust. For three or four months, I tried to be better, but I got bored. Eventually, I forgot why I repented and went back.

Going Back to Sin

In order to quency my boredom I told myself I would only read action comics with no sexual content. But I was still desiring lust. One day, an ad popped up with a sexual anime girl. I clicked it. Just like that, I was back.

I went back to reading porn comics. I didn’t return to BTS, but I returned to everything else. This time, I was even more passionate about fueling my desires. I started writing another sexual novel again. Toward the end of 10th grade, I even watched bestiality content and extreme porn. I had become twisted in my thoughts — lust controlled every part of me.

Before this, I had applied for baptism at my church. Even though I was watching porn again, I still got baptized. I was a hypocrite, smiling in front of everyone while living in secret sin. Right after baptism, I went back to porn.

I opened another TikTok and started posting anime again. It grew fast, but something in my heart did not feel right with having this tik tok so I deleted it eventually later on.

Even in 11th grade, nothing had changed. As all this time went on, I completely gave up on going to Heaven. I believed in God and Jesus but was fully conviced there was no way I could overcome lust. I was hopeless. I believed when Jesus came, I would go to hell —every time a pastor preached about the Coming of Jesus In my heart I just hoped when I am sent to Hell  I’d burn quickly so I don’t feel much pain.

A Wake-Up Call From God

Then one night, everything changed. While I was lying in bed reading a sexual novel, my brother came home bleeding. He had been attacked by demons. We rushed him to the hospital.

I looked at myself and realized how far I had fallen. While something so serious was happening, I was still consumed by sin. I told God in that moment that I would never again go back to sexual sin.

The doctors weren’t sure if my brother would survive. But we prayed. By God's mercy, he was healed. He came home just a few days later — completely transformed. He told us he had seen Jesus. He had been addicted to smoking and vaping, but after the attack and encounter with God, he never touched those things again. He became a new person.

His transformation shook me. I stopped reading sexual content, but I was still drawn to white lotus novels. I convinced myself they were okay since they didn’t include sex. If there was a sexual scene, I would skip it. But God began to convict me deeply. That was my entire 11th grade year 

My 12th grade year God reminded me that I had promised to never again feed any lustful desire — and white lotus characters, though subtle, were full of manipulation, pride, and selfishness. God showed me in Scripture that He hated those traits. So I gave it up.

I began avoiding anything with sexual content. If I started a novel and it had something inappropriate, I would immediately stop reading it. I was still reading Naruto fanfiction, Chinese novels, and other content — but only the ones without sexual scenes.

But the enemy wasn’t done. Since I had overcome lust, satan came at me with idolatry. I got into comics and fanfictions where the characters wanted to become gods, rule the world, or were just evil. I didn’t feel convicted at first because it wasn’t sexual. But slowly, God opened my eyes.

As I finished High School and started College I started reading stories that included false gods — and I felt strong conviction. Some stories I would stop like one that mentions satan, but others I kept reading out of boredom and entertainment. I even started being interested in watching Chinese dramas — just romantic ones. They weren’t sexual, but I found myself becoming emotionally attached to the couples and desiring having a boyfriend and  male attention. 

A Dream That Changed My Life

I watched a Chinese drama called Till the End of the Moon. From the very first episode, I felt a strong conviction that I shouldn't be watching it. The show was full of  idolatry it was a love story between a devil and a fairy. Every night before sleep, I had no peace. I would repent, then watch it again the next day.

Eventually, I finished the drama, but I was still listening to the soundtrack. My playlist was filled with anime songs, Chinese drama soundtracks, and worldly music. I had a Christian playlist too, but I didn’t see a problem with the other songs — until God opened my eyes.

I eventually was heavily convicted by God on these chinese drams so I stopped watching any chinese drama and instead I returned to reading my fanfiction novels. I started watching a Chinese anime called Soul Land (Douluo Dalu) so I could read its fanfiction. But that anime was filled with idolatry and false gods even more than the chinese drama but I ignored the conviction in my heart. After watching the first season and starting the second, I had a terrifying dream.

In the dream, an evil spirit tried to kill me. I was being choked and suffocated. It felt so real. The only thing I could do was cry out the name of Jesus. And He came. Jesus came into the dream and saved me. The spirit was cast out and I woke up knowing my life had been spared — physically and spiritually.

That night, I surrendered everything. Unlike my false repentance in the past, this one came from deep in my soul. I cried and prayed, giving my entire life to Jesus.

My New Life Begins

The next morning after that dream, I knew I had to act immediately. I created a brand-new Google account and switched my YouTube to that account so I wouldn’t be tempted by the old recommendations. I deleted Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+. I removed everything I knew was a temptation — every bookmark, every novel saved in my browser, every social media account.

I even gave up the idea I had of returning to TikTok after losing weight and becoming more confident. I deleted everything. I downloaded the AdGuard app to block all Google ads that might show sexual images or temptations. I wasn’t playing around. I wanted to be fully focused on what is godly — not the world.

I went to YouTube and began searching for how to live as a new believer. I found Proverbs 31 woman teachings, testimonies, and videos from other born-again Christians. I noticed a pattern in their lives: they spent all their free time with God. No entertainment. Just prayer, worship, Scripture, and faith.

I began waking up early to pray. No rush. I gave time to God. I prayed and read my Bible every morning. Throughout the day, I only watched sermons, biblical YouTube content, and God-focused media. At night, I would pray again and journal. If God gave me a verse or stirred something in my heart, I’d write it down.

As I got closer to God, He began to reveal things to me through dreams and Scripture. One night, I was scared to sleep, afraid the evil spirit would return. I prayed, and God brought Psalm 23 to me in prayer: “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me.”

Another time, He gave me Psalm 2. It says the enemy tries to break the bond between God and His children — but God looks in mockery at the enemy’s plans. I read how God says, “You are My son; today I have begotten you. Ask of Me, and I will give you…” That hit me. I saw that I am His daughter, and He is with me. No enemy, demon, or spirit can touch me  without facing God first I am protected.

God reminded me over and over through Scriptures like Psalm 3: “I lay down and slept; I woke again, for the Lord sustained me. I will not be afraid…”

I realized the key to growth in God was time — not time spent in the world, but time spent in His presence.

Fully Letting Go of the Old Life

I no longer spend my free time on worldly things. My day is about God. If I’m not praying or reading Scripture, I’m watching or listening to things that build my faith. I even started writing down short Bible messages to give to people. I made it my mission to spend my energy on what’s eternal — not on what entertains me temporarily.

I used to be glued to entertainment — anime, novels, TV shows, fanfiction, music — but now I see that boredom is a blessing. Boredom means freedom. I’m no longer a slave to entertainment. My eyes are free to focus on Jesus.

If I feel tempted, I rebuke it. I don’t let it linger. I remove it immediately. I’ve learned that what I see and hear matters. If I fill myself with worldly music and stories, I’ll crave worldly things. But if I focus my eyes on God, I’ll crave godly things.

I deleted TikTok, Instagram, and anything that tempted me. I blocked people who once shared in my sin. I didn’t  make excuses. I just shut the door. I wasn’t trying to leave a door for the enemy . 

Jesus saved me. Not social media. Not anime. Not music. Not fanfiction. They didn’t come to rescue me when I was in darkness. They didn’t fight off the demon that attacked me. Jesus did.